Low self esteem in dating
If we believe someone likes us we believe differently towards them than if we believe they don’t like us, aren’t sure about whether they like us, or aren’t sure if they will keep liking us.Because it’s difficult for people with low self esteem to believe they’re unconditionally loved and accepted by their partners, they tend to hold back from fully committing in relationships or making themselves vulnerable, or engage in other types of behaviours that are unhelpful for relationships (e.g. Part 3: A benefit of being in a relationship can be increased self esteem or at least increased self esteem in certain domains.What’s important to note about low self esteem is that most people with “low self esteem” don’t see themselves consistently negatively.Most people with low self esteem are probably better described as having “fluctuating self esteem.” Their self esteem might depend on their mood or what’s happened that day, or they might have OK self esteem in some domains and problem self esteem in other domains (e.g.Negative criticism will often be met with hostility and anger.A man with low self-esteem will often take any negative criticism as a personal attack, whether it is or not.A lack of self-esteem, on the other hand, can destroy relationships, romantic or not, because it causes partners to be on an unequal footing in the relationship.The partner with low self-esteem may not feel like they are deserving of the love or attention of the person that loves them, which can drive all manner of negative behaviors.
It’s not a very precise test, so don’t take the results as definitive but it’s a reasonable guide.
People with low self esteem’s relationships are also less stable (more likely to break up).
Psychologists Dr Sandra Murray and Dr John Holmes developed what’s become a very influential model in psychology to explain why this happens.
For example, if your partner sees you as smarter, more talented, more attractive etc.
than how you see yourself, then over time you’ll probably start to see yourself as more of those things.